PRICE 15 CENTS 



That Blonde Person 











L 



rife 




Helen F. Ba 



gg 



THE P 



BUSHING COMPANY 



SHOEMAKER'S 

BEST SELECTIONS 

For Readings and Recitations 

Nos. I to 27 Now Issued 

Paper Binding, each number. • - 30 cents 

Cloth •• ••• •• 50 centf 

Teachers, Readers, Students, and all persons who 
have had occasion to use books of this kind, concede 
this to be the best series of speakers published. The 
different numbers are compiled by leading elocution- 
ists of the country, who have exceptional facilities for 
securing selections, and whose judgment as to their 
merits is invaluable. No trouble or expense is spared 
to obtain the very best readings and recitations, and 
much material is used by special arrangement with 
other publishers, thus securing the best selections 
from such American authors as Longfellow, Holmes, 
Whittier, Lowell, Emerson, Alice and Phoebe Cary, 
Mrs. Stowe, and many others. The foremost Eng- 
lish authors are also represented, as well as the 
leading French and German writers. 

This series was formerly called "The Elocution- 
ist's Annual/' the first seventeen numbers being pub- 
lished under that title. 

While the primary purpose of these books is to 
supply the wants (tf*;tlle public reader and elocution- 
ist, nowhere else c£rf be found such an attractive col- 
lection of interesting short stories for home reading. 

Sold by all booksellers and newsdealers, or mailed 
upon receipt of price. 

The Penn Publishing Company 

226 S. 11th Street, Philadelphia 



That Blonde Person 



A Farce in One Act 



BY 

HELEN F. BAGG 

Author of "THE FASCINATING FANNY BROWN," 
"WHISKERS," "WHY NOT JIM?" etc. 




PHILADELPHIA 
THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

1912 



# 



Copyright 1912 by The Penn Publishing Company 



That Blonde Person. 



)CI.D 31815 



That Blonde Person 



CHARACTERS 



Eleanor Ellis a young married woman. 

Ethel Percy her sister. 

Mrs. Hubbard Parker ) ,.,,£,, , 

. , „ n y . . friends of Eleanor s. 

Mrs. Chauncey Phelps \ J J 

Mrs. Hudgens a laundress. 

Jane a housemaid. 

Time of Playing. — Thirty minutes. 



STORY OF THE PLAY 

Eleanor Ellis, a young married woman, thinks her washer- 
woman, Mrs. Hudgens, should leave her husband, who has 
the habit of getting arrested. " Show him that you despise 
him." She won't help to get Patsy out of jail unless Mrs. 
Hudgens consents to a separation. Mrs. Hudgens refuses. 
"This world's a lonesome place for widders." Mrs. Phelps 
and Mrs. Parker tell Eleanor that her husband has been 
lunching with a " blonde person." She laughs them away with 
the declaration that it must have been her husband's Cousin 
Marian. But when they are gone Eleanor begins to pack 
up her things. " I'm going to leave him to-night ! " 
Everything she packs awakens memories. Eleanor weakens. 
" Maybe 1 ought to stay and reform him. : ' Her husband 
calls her on the 'phone. It was Cousin Marian after all. 
"She'll be here in ten minutes." Eleanor radiant : "John, 
I want you to get Patsy Hudgens out of jail. It's an awful 
thing to love a husband." 



COSTUMES, ETC. 

Eleanor. About twenty-five ; wears a pretty afternoon 
house gown. 

Ethel. About eighteen ; wears appropriate afternoon 
costume. 

Mrs. Parker and Mrs. Phelps. Young society ma- 
trons ; wear afternoon calling costumes, with hats, gloves, 
parasols, shopping bags, etc. 

Mrs. Hudgens. Irish, about forty; wears calico or 
gingham dress, with pocket in skirt or in underskirt, apron, 
and very small and battered straw hat. 

Jane. A young Irish housemaid ; wears appropriate 
maid's costume of black, with white cap and small apron. 



PROPERTIES 



Basket, supposed to contain clean clothes, money, tele- 
phone, bell, glass of water, couch cover (a Mexican blanket, 
if possible), vases, sofa pillows, small bookcase and books, 
cigar box or jar, clock, door curtains, candlesticks, picture, 
two rugs. 



That Blonde Person 



SCENE. — A pretty drawing-room. Doors at C. and L. 
Small desk with telephone up l. Dozen r., couch ivith 
pretty cover and plenty of pillows. Down L., table with 
books and bric-a-brac. Up R., mantel with clock and 
candlesticks. Chairs , pictures, various pretty ornaments, 
etc., in appropriate places . 

(As the curtain rises, Jane, a good-looking housemaid, 
neatly attired in cap and apron, is arranging flowers. 
The sound of some one laboriously practicing the piano 
can be heard from off stage. The performer gets to one 
place in the composition each time, then breaks down and 
goes back and begins over again with a most monotonous 
effect. A bell rings, and Jane goes off at c, returning 
quickly with Mrs. Hudgens, the washerwoman, carrying 
a large basket of laundry, neatly covered with a newspa- 
per. Mrs. H. is a weather-beaten little woman, dingily 
dressed, who does not venture to sit down, but deposits 
her basket on the floor a fid stands by it.) 

Jane. I'll tell Mrs. Ellis that you're here. I suppose 
you'd like your money? 

Mrs. H. I would that. What with Hudgens in jail an* 
th' children needin' shoes fer school, a bit of money's a 
convenient thing to have. 

Jane. In jail? Do you mean to say Patsy's in trouble 
again ? 

Mrs. H. (vindictively). It's thim villains of polices ! 
You'd never see their like fer spyin' on a man when he gits 
his pay an' is feelin' a bit happy. An' they call it a free 
country. 

Jane. True for you. Didn't I keep company with one 
of 'em for a year, an' him lettin' on to have money in th' 
bank, and a wish to get married, an' all the time engaged 
to a girl in Cork, an' she comin' out to marry him. 

5 



6 THAT BLONDE PERSON 

Mrs. H. The spalpeen ! But it serves you right mixin' 
wid such low company — and you vvid a fine place like this. 
Is that tli' mistress playin' th' pianny ? 

Jane. No, it's her sister, Miss Percy. (Goes to L.,just 
as Eleanor Ellis enters l.) It's Mrs. Hudgens with th' 
clothes, ma'am. 

Eleanor. Very well, Jane. Take them up-stairs, please. 
(Exit Jane, c, with basket. Eleanor goes to desk and 
sits.) I think I have the right change here, Mrs. Hudgens. 

(Rummages in desk, l.) 

Mrs. H. Yes'm. 

Eleanor. Dear me, where did I put that money? Oh, 
here it is. 

(Mrs. H. approaches and takes the money.) 

Mrs. H. (putting money in pocket of skirt). Thank 
you, ma'am. 

Eleanor. The children all well? 

Mrs. H. Yes'm. Sammy wasn't quite himself for a day 
or two, ma'am, but he's mendin'. 

Eleanor. What was the matter ? 

Mrs. H. Well, we were afther thinking it might be th* 
tack he swallered last Monday. 

Eleanor (in horror). Tack ! Good gracious ! 

Mrs. H. Yes'm. They will pick up them things, bein' 
on th' floor so much — but land, it only hardens 'em. 

Eleanor (with a shudder). How awful ! Is — is your 
husband keeping — is he all right now? 

Mrs. H. Oh, yes'm. He's in jail, ma'am. They're 
that particular there, a man don't have no chance to take 
anything; thim police has the eyes of a weasel, ma'am. 

Eleanor. Mrs. Hudgens, do you mean to tell me that 
that man has been on another spree ? 

Mrs. H. Yes'm. 

Eleanor. And that you mean to take him back again 
when he gets out of jail ? 

Mrs. H. (in surprise). Sure, what else wid I be doin' 
with him, ma'am ? 

Eleanor. Why, leave him, of course. Get a separation. 
Free yourself and children from his disgusting companion- 
ship. 

Mrs. H. Yes'm, but only think of how lonesome we'd be 



THAT BLONDE PERSON J 

without him, ma'am. Sure, there ain't nobody like Patsy 
fer company whin he's all right. That's the trouble. He's 
that popular that min is always treat in' him fer this an' fer 
that, an' instead of comin' home quiet an' sleepin' it off like 
a gentleman should, what does he do but stride down th* 
street to that Callahan's beat, him that niver could abide 
Hudgens because he's a foine big good-lookin' chap, an' 
Callahan fit to stop th' watch in yer pocket if he was to look 
at it sudden, an' of course he gets run in an' loses his job. 

Eleanor. That's all very well, but you have no right to 
allow him to treat you like this. You should have some 
spirit. Show him that you despise him. 

Mrs. H. Yes'm. 

Eleanor. How long is he in for this time? 

Mrs. H. {tearfully). Thirty days, and a foine pleasant 
job inspectin' garbage promised him an' goin' to be gave to 
Jim Casey if he don't git bail by to-morrow. 

Eleanor. Now, Mrs. Hudgens, you know I told you the 
last time Mr. Ellis bailed your husband out that I would 
never consent to its being done again unless you promised 
to leave him ? 

Mrs. H. Yes'm. 

Eleanor. Well, I meant what I said. If you really 
want your husband to get that job, I'll ask Mr. Ellis to bail 
him out to-morrow, but you must promise me to apply for 
a separation. 

Mrs. H. Sure, whut good wid I be gettin' from th' job 
if I'm after lavin' him? 

Eleanor. He can be compelled to pay you a certain 
part of his earnings for the support of the children. I don't 
know very much about those things myself, but Mr. Ellis is 
a lawyer, and I'll find out all about it from him. 

Mrs. H. Thank you, ma'am, but I'll not be troublin 1 
ye. Let Jim Casey take th' garbage, an' I'll kape my man. 
It's less trouble than gettin' rid of him, an' this world's a 
lonesome place for widders ! Good-bye, ma'am. 

Eleanor. If you change your mind, Mrs. Hudgens, you 
may let me know. Think it over. 

Mrs. H. Thank you, ma'am. I know you mane well. 
Some day whin Mr. Ellis is caught by them police an' run 
in jest fer havin' too good a time, you'll understand. Good- 
bye, ma'am. 

(Exit, c.) 



8 THAT BLONDE PERSON 

(Eleanor shakes her head ami turns to Jier desk again.') 

Eleanor. I wonder what makes women of that class so 
incorrigibly obstinate? 

{Enter Ethel Percy, a girl of eighteen, l.) 

Ethel. I thought I heard voices in here. 

Eleanor. You did. I've been lecturing Mrs^Hudgens. 
That miserable husband of hers is in jail again. 

Ethel {pushing on the arm of a big chair), I don't see 
that that's any reason for lecturing her. 

Eleanor. Now, of course, she wants John to bail him 
out. I told her I wouldn't let him do it unless she'd prom- 
ise to leave the man. 

Ethel. Well, I should think that was simple enough. 

Eleanor. She's as obstinate as a mule. She doesn't 
seem to have any proper pride. None of those people do. 

Ethel. You mean she doesn't want to leave him? 

Eleanor. That seems to be the idea. 

Ethel. Humph! I'd like to see myself living with a 
man who got himself put in the Bridewell. What's the 
matter with her? 

Eleanor. She says it's lonesome without him ! 

Ethel. Lonesome ! Suffering cats ! 

Eleanor. How a woman can have so little respect for 
herself 1 can't see. Why, if John Ellis were to do anything 
like that I'd leave him if it was my last official act ! 

Ethel. I should hope so ! Any sensible woman would. 
Fa ncy John in jail ! (She giggles in enjoyment of the tliought.) 

Eleanor. I can't fancy John doing anything that isn't 
quite all right. (Rises.) Well, 1 must go up and count 
the laundry and see if they've kept any of it out for family 
use during the week. It's quite a habit of theirs. 

(Exit, l. ) 

(Ethel goes up to door c. The bell rings. She looks off.) 

Ethel. Gracious ! Mrs. Hubbard Parker and Mrs. 
Chauncey Phelps ! I'd better hike up-stairs and make my- 
self presentable. 

(Exit, l.) 

(Enter Jane, c, ushering in Mrs. Hubbard Parker and 
Mrs Chauncey Phelps, tiuo young matrons, very elab- 
orately gowned.) 



THAT BLONDE PERSON 9 

Jane. Will you be seated, please, while I tell the ladies? 

{They sit.) 

Mrs. Parker. It's Mrs. Ellis whom we particularly wish 
to see. 

Jane. Yes'm. 

[Exit, c.) 

Mrs. Phelps {sitting in chair, down l.). I'm begin- 
ning to feel horribly nervous. It's a very disagreeable thing 
to have to do. 

Mrs. Parker {sitting on couch, r.). Nonsense! We've 
come to do Eleanor Ellis a good turn. 1 never consider it 
disagreeable to do my duty. 

Mrs. Phelps. At any rate, it's very embarrassing. 

Mrs. Parker. Not at all. Why should we be em- 
barrassed ? We haven't done anything. 

Mrs. Phelps. No, of course not, but one always feels a 
little timid about approaching subjects of this sort. 

Mrs. Parker. I don't. 

Mrs. Phelps. I only hope we shall manage it tactfully. 
Chauncey says you must have tact when you interfere in 
other people's affairs if you don't want to get hurt. 

Mrs. Parker. That's just like a man ! Always avoid- 
ing responsibilities ! 

Mrs. Phelps. After all, if anybody had seen my husband 
taking another woman to Hartley's for luncheon, I should 
want her to come and tell me. I'm sure I would. 

Mrs. Parker. Of course you would. Any woman of 
spirit would. She'll thank us for it. 

Mrs. Phelps. Well, I'm sure I hope she will. She'll 
either thank us or put us out. 

Mrs. Parker. Let her try to put me out ! 

Mrs. Phelps. What are you going to say ? 

Mrs. Parker. Well, I shan't waste any time on pre- 
liminaries. I shall go at once to the point. 

Mrs. Phelps. Yes, that's the best way. Spare her feel- 
ings as much as we can. Oh, the miserable wretch ! When 
I think of how comfortable and happy they looked, sitting 
there eating strawberries at a dollar a box. 

Mrs. Parker. Never mind the strawberries. I shall 
say at once without any preparation, u My dear Eleanor, 



10 THAT BLONDE PERSON 

while Mrs. Phelps and I were lunching at Hartley's to-day, 
we saw your husband sitting at the next table with a blonde 
person. We thought it our duty to come at once and tell 
you." 

Mrs. Phelps. And that's where we get the grand 
bounce. 

Mrs. Parker. Nonsense. We 

{Enter Eleanor, l.) 

Eleanor. I'm so glad to see you both ! It's so lovely 
of you to come together. 

(She sits up c. There is a moment' s pause.) 

Mrs. Phelps (with a meaning glance at Mrs. Parker). 
We've been lunching together at Hartley's, so we 

thought 



Mrs. Parker (hurriedly). We thought we'd run out 
and chat with you for a little while. 

Eleanor. Lunching at Hartley's? Oh, I do so love to 
go there. They have the best things to eat. 

Mrs. Phelps. Yes. They had strawberries to-day. 
Imagine it, and they're a dollar a box. 

Mrs. Parker {nervously). It's very unhealthy to eat 
them so early in the season. I never do. 

Eleanor. John is so fond of strawberries. I always try 
to get them the moment they're in the market. 

Mrs. Phelps. I'm afraid you spoil that husband of 
yours, my dear. Do you know 

Mrs. Parker (hurriedly). Haven't you had this room 
done over lately? It's very effective. 

Eleanor. Oh, do you like it? I was afraid it was too 
light. 

Mrs. Phelps (with another glance at Mrs. Parker). 
Oh, no, not a bit. It suits you so well, too. Now if you 
were a blonde 

Mrs. Parker. But she isn't a blonde, so what's the use 
talking about it? How is your sister, Mrs. Ellis? 

Eleanor. Very well, thanks. I'm afraid Jane didn't 
tell her you were here. (Rises.) I'll call her. 

Mrs. Parker. No — no — don't. (Eleanor pauses, a 
little surprised, and Mrs. Parker finishes.) Don't dis- 
turb her on our account. 



THAT BLONDE PERSON II 

Eleanor. Oh, she'll be so anxious to see you ; she 
wouldn't like it at all if I didn't call her. (Crosses to l., 
opens door a nd calls.) Ethel ! 

Mrs. Phelps {reproachfully, to Mrs. Parker). You 
said you'd do it right away and have it over with ! I'm as 
nervous as a witch. 

Mrs. Parker (indignantly). You don't expect me to 
blurt it out like a fool, do you ? You have to lead up to 
these things with tact. 

Mrs. Phelps. Well, it looks to me as though you were 
leading away from it with tact. 

Eleanor (at door). Come down, dear. We have 
callers. 

{Comes back to her seat. Mrs. Parker clears her throat 
nervously.) 

Mrs. Parker. My dear, we didn't come here to-day 
just to call ; we had an errand. 

Eleanor. Indeed? 

Mrs. Parker. A very painful one ! 

Eleanor. Why, what 

Mrs. Phelps (desperately). We want you to take the 
candy table at the bazaar. Oh, I know you said you 
wouldn't, but we've asked every one we know, and not a 
soul will do it, and we thought maybe, while your sister 

was with you (Enter Ethel, l. Mrs. Phelps 

jumps up and greets her excitedly.) My dear Miss Percy, 
so very glad to see you ! 

Ethel. How lovely of you both to call ! How are you, 
Mrs. Parker? 

Mrs. Parker (glaring at Mrs. Phelps). Very well, 
thank you. 

Ethel (sitting up l. a). And how is dear Mr. Parker? 
Somebody told me he hadn't been well. 

Mrs. Parker. He hasn't. 

Ethel. I hope it's not serious? 

Mrs. Parker. It's the things he eats down town at 
those horrid restaurants that upset him. I've made him 
come home to lunch lately, and he's much better. 

Eleanor. I suppose restaurants are rather unsettling as 
a steady thing. 

Mrs. Parker (witli meaning). Unsettling ! That's a 



12 THAT BLONDE PERSON 

very mild name for it. I want to tell you, Mrs. Ellis, in- 
deed, I feel it my duty to tell you 

(Mrs. Phelps is taken with a violent fit of coughing, which 
quite drowns this speech. Eleanor runs to her.) 

Eleanor. Dear me, poor thing, what can I do for you ? 
Ethel, run for some water ! 

(Exit Ethel, at l. Eleanor pats the sufferer on the 

back.) 

Mrs. Phelps. N-nothing ! I — I 

(She goes off into another fit. Ethel comes back with a 
glass of water. Mrs. Phelps drinks.) 

Mrs. Parker (sternly). Now, Mildred Phelps, if you're 
quite through with that cough, I shall tell Mrs. Ellis exactly 
why we are here this afternoon. 

Eleanor. Why, the candy table 

(She goes back to chair, up c. Mrs. Phelps groans.) 

Mrs. Parker. No, it's not the candy table. I wish it 
were. We came here this afternoon to open your eyes to 
the atrocious behavior of Mr. Ellis. 

Eleanor (in amazement). To do what? 

Ethel. Now, what in the name of mischief has John 
done ? 

Mrs. Phelps (feebly). Hadn't she better leave the 
room ? 

Eleanor. I see no necessity. I'm not aware of any- 
thing that my husband has done that she mightn't hear. 
Please go on. 

Mrs. Parker. Now, my dear, you mustn't take it like 
that. We're only trying to do our duty by you as your 
friends. 

Mrs. Phelps (almost in tears). I'm sure if you were to 
see my husband lunching at Hartley's with a blonde person 
and eating strawberries at a dollar a box, I'd want you to 
come straight and tell me ! 

Eleanor (faintly). A blonde person ! Hartley's! What 
do you mean ? 

Ethel. Well, I never ! 



THAT BLONDE PERSON 1 3 

Mks. Parker. Mildred and I were lunching there and 
your husband came in with this — this — individual — and we 
thought it our duty to come to you at once and tell you so 
that you could take the proper steps at once. 

Eleanor. And what do you consider the proper steps ? 

Mrs. Parker {sternly). Divorce ! 

Mrs. Phelps. Or separation with separate maintenance. 

Mrs. Parker. Humbug ! Divorce is the only remedy 
in such a case. A woman owes it to her self-respect. 

Eleanor (as though struck by an idea). \Vait a min- 
ute. What sort of a looking woman was she? 

Mrs. Parker. Gray tailor-made suit with a big bunch 
of violets 

Mrs. Phelps. And a big black hat with a willow plume. 
Must have cost seventy-five dollars at the very least. 

Eleanor. And you say she was a blonde ? 

Mrs. Parker. Blonde or peroxide. Impossible to say 
which at that distance. 

Eleanor (bursting into laughter). Oh, dear ! oh, dear ! 
And to think how you scared me ! 

Both. What do you mean ? 

Ethel. Eleanor ! 

Eleanor (wiping her eyes). Why, it's John's Cousin 
Marian, of course ! How stupid of me to have forgotten ! 

Both. Cousin Marian ! 

Eleanor. Yes ; Mrs. Hardin Abbott, of New York. 
She's going to California this week and she didn't know 
just what day she would pass through, so she said she would 
look John up and have luncheon with him, and not try to 
plan to stop over. She's very fond of John. 

Mrs. Parker. She seemed to be. 

Eleanor. Yes, they're like brother and sister. Ridicu- 
lous of me not to have thought of her at first. 

Mrs. Phelps (rising). Well, I — I'm delighted to know 
that there's nothing wrong. I felt dreadfully about it. 

Eleanor (rising). Yes, I know how sympathetic you 
are ! 

Mrs. Parker (rising). I hope you realize that we were 
doing it from the best motives? 

Eleanor. Could any one doubt your motives, my dear ? 

Ethel (rising). So good of you to come so promptly. 
Why, you didn't waste a moment. You took a taxi, didn't 
you? 



14 THAT BLONDE PERSON 

Mrs. Phelps. It's such a long waik from the cars. 
Good-bye, dear; so glad we were mistaken. 

Eleanor. Don't mention it. John and I will have a 
good laugh over it to-night. 

Mrs. Parker {angrily). If you're ready, Mildred, I 
don't see any reason for standing around any longer. 

Mrs. Phelps. Oh, quite ! Good-bye, dear. Good-bye, 
Miss Percy. 

Ethel ' [ Good-bye. So glad to have seen you. 

{Exeunt Mrs. Parker and Mrs. Phelps, c.) 

(Ethel goes to door c, looking off. Eleanor drops into 
a chair and covers her face with her hands.) 

Ethel {turning). Cats ! (Sees Eleanor.) Why, Elea- 
nor, what is the matter ? 

Eleanor {sobbing). Cousin Marian ! 

Ethel. Cousin Marian ? 

Eleanor. Yes. There isn't any Cousin Marian ! 

Ethel. Look here, Eleanor ; are you crazy ? What do 
you mean by saying that there's no Cousin Marian? 

Eleanor. I mean that she isn't here — she's in New 
York — I just made up all that business about her going to 
California to shut those women's mouths. 

Ethel. Oh ! 

Eleanor {savagely). Now, what I want to know is, who 
is the blonde person with violets that my husband takes to 
lunch at Hartley's? 

Ethel. Oh, Eleanor ! 

Eleanor. And to think that it was only half an hour 
ago that I said I couldn't imagine John's doing anything 
that wasn't just right, and even then those miserable women 
were on their way here to tell me this ! 

Ethel. The monster ! I hope those strawberries poison 
him ! 

Eleanor. Married just one year, and here he is taking 
strangers out to lunch ! But I'll show him ! 

Ethel. What are you going to do ? 

Eleanor {rising). Do? I'm going to leave him. Now 
— to-night — as soon as I can get my things on. I'm going 
home with yon. 

Ethel. Good for you ! 



THAT BLONDE PERSON 15 

Eleanor. I shall leave a note for him telling him that he 
shall be free to marry this — this violet blonde person as soon 
as possible. Then I shall take every article that I possess 
and leave the house. 

Ethel. But you won't have time. It's four o'clock. 

Eleanor. You'll have to help me. We'll begin with 
this room. 

Ethel. You're not going to take the furniture? 

Eleanor. I'm going to take all my wedding presents. 
Every one of them that belongs to me. Do you suppose 
I'm going to let that woman have all my beautiful things ? 

Ethel. I should say not ! Come on, let's get 'em 
ready now. 

Eleanor {tearing the covering from the couch and throw- 
ing it on the floor). To begin with, my Mexican serape 
that Uncle Bob sent me. That'll do to tie them up in and 
carry them up-stairs. Don't take any of his things ! Just 
the ones that my own friends sent me. Those vases of 
Cousin Jack's — wrap 'em up ! 

Ethel {taking the vases off the table and rolling them in 
sofa pillows), I never would have believed it of John. 
Never ! 

Eleanor {picking up an armful of books that stand in 
a small book- rack at back of table l., and dumping them 
into the pile). Grandfather's set of Thackeray. Poor 
grandfather, how badly he'll feel. He — he's so fond of 
John. {She takes her handkerchief out and wipes her eyes.) 
We — we were reading them aloud. We had almost finished 
" Pendennis." I — I'll never finish it now ! [Crosses to r.) 

Ethel. You'll never finish packing if you're going to 
cry over every wedding present. Whose is this? 

(Holds up a cigar box or tobacco jar.) 

Eleanor (sobbing). Don't touch that. It's his ! How 
can you be so hard-hearted, Ethel ? 

Ethel. I'm not hard-hearted. I don't want you to get 
sorry for John and forget what you owe to yourself. 

Eleanor. Sorry for him ! I should think not. {Takes 
down the clock.) Here's sister Janet's clock. 

{Brings clock to Ethel.) 

Ethel. It won't go in the trunk. 



l6 THAT BLONDE PERSON 

Eleanor. Then I'll carry it under my arm. I won't 
leave it for her. 

Ethel (packing the clock with some more cushions). 
This house is going to look as though a cyclone had 
struck it. 

Eleanor. That's how I want it to look. I want him to 
realize what he's done. 

{She goes up a, mounts on a chair and begins to take down 
the curtains at door c.) 

Ethel. What in the world 

Eleanor. Mother gave me these curtains. She wouldn't 
want another woman to use them, 1 know. (Buries her 
face in their folds.) We hung them together, John and I, 
last Christmas. 

Ethel. Humph i 

Eleanor. I wonder if she'll be good to him ? John 
has to be so careful what he eats. J — I couldn't bear it if 
that woman ruins his digestive system. I'll never forgive 
her ! 

Ethel. She'll probably see that he eats at Hartley's ; 
that seems to agree with him pretty well. 

Eleanor (tearing do7vn the curtains, coming down c. 
and tossing them to Ethel). I wonder how long it takes 
to get a divorce ? 

Ethel. It oughn't to take long in a flagrant case like 
this. How about the things on this table ? 

Eleanor (going r.). They're all mine. (Ethel sweeps 
them all into a pile. Eleanor takes two big candlesticks 
off the mantel ; hands them to Ethel.) Cousin Henry's 
candlesticks. He told me that John was a man in fifty. 

Ethel (grimly). I hope so, the way he's been be- 
having ! 

Eleanor (mounting a chair to take down a picture, up r.). 
I'm — I'm not sure that I believe in divorce. It doesn't 
seem exactly Christian. Suppose John should get reckless, 
and do something awfully wicked ? 

Ethel {taking down picture, l.). Well, hasn't he done 
something awfully wicked now? How bad do you want 
him to get ? 

Eleanor. He — he might take to drink, like Mrs. 
Hudgens' husband. Maybe — maybe I ought to stay with 
him and reform him. 



THAT BLONDE PERSON 1 7 

Ethel. Eleanor Ellis, I'm surprised at you! Where's 
your pride ? 

Eleanor. I — I don't know. {Comes down with pic- 
ture.) Wrap that up very carefully. John gave it to me. 
He said it looked like me. 

Ethel (taking it). Humph ! 

Eleanor. Of course, I don't want to stay with him ; I 
only want to do my duty, and it's an awful thing for people 
who have lived together a whole year to separate ! 

(She stoops and picks up a small rug.) 

Ethel. I'll bet it was that blonde stenographer of his; 
she has a dreadfully deceitful face. 

Eleanor {grabbing another rug and rolling them up 
vindictively). If it is I'll never speak to him again ! 
I'll 

Ethel. Oh, yes, you would. If he were to come in 
this minute you'd be as meek as Moses. I only wish I 
could get a chance to talk to him ! I'd tell him what I 

think of him. I'd (The 'phone rings. Ethel goes 

to it, up l. Eleanor continues to add items to the pile on 
the floor.) Hello ! Oh ! (Very meekly.) Hello, John ! 
Yes, she — she's here. Did you — did you want to speak to 
her? 

(She puts doivn the receiver and, avoiding Eleanor's glance, 
goes back to the pile on the floor, down c. Eleanor runs 
to 'phone and catches tip receiver.) 

Eleanor. Hello ! Yes, this is Eleanor. No, there's 
nothing the matter: I've only got a cold. (Dabs Jier nose 
with handkerchief.) What ! Cousin Marian Abbott in 
town ! On her way to California ! 

Ethel. Suffering Satan ! 

Eleanor. Yes, yes, of course, you're to send her up at 
once. Oh, John, I — I hope you took her to lunch some- 
where? Hartley's? Yes, of course that was right. 
What? You want me to get a gray suit like hers? You 
absurd boy — oh, yes, of course I will if you like it. She'll 
be up in ten minutes ! All right ! (Ethel collapses on 
the floor, r.) John — oh, John, there's something I want you 
to do for me before you come home. Mrs. Hudgens' Patsy 
is in jail again, and I want you to get him out right away, 



1 8 THAT BLONDE PERSON 

do you hear ? He can get a lovely garbage job if he gets 
out by to- morrow. What ? Oh, of course, he's no good, 
but she — she likes him, and why shouldn't she have him if 
she wants him? It's an awful thing to love a husband. 
What ! Why, any old husband. Good-bye — don't forget. 
{She hangs up receiver and surveys the wreck J) Cousin 
Marian Abbott will be here in ten minutes, and she's the 
most particular housekeeper in the world. What are we 
going to do ? 

Ethel. Hustle 1 

{She starts wildly to hang a picture, L.) 

Eleanor. Jane ! 

{She takes the curtains and runs to the door with them,') 

[Enter Jane, c, who stares in amazement at the scene,) 

Jane. Fer th' love of mercy ! 

Ethel. Jane, there's not a minute to lose ; there's 
company coming in ten minutes, and this room must be 
put to rights. Hurry ! 

Jane {picking up the candlesticks, and carrying them 
to mantle, r.). Yes'm. What 

Ethel (scrambling down from the chair, grabbing a rug, 

and spreading it out). Mrs. Ellis had a Well, a sort 

of fir, and this is the result. 

Jane {standing r.). A fit ! 

Eleanor {up c., adjusting the curtains and turning with 
a radiant face). You needn't be afraid, Jane — it's the sort 
of a fit that never happens twice ! The only thing that can 
bring it on is the combination of a blonde person, and 
violets, and strawberries. 

Ethel. And cats ! 

(Eleanor and Ethel laugh.) 



CURTAIN 



DEC 28 1912 



Practical Elocution 




By J c W. Shoemaker, A. M 

300 pages 

Cioth, Leather Back, $1,2$ 

This work is the outgrowth oi 
actual class-room experience, and 
is a practical, common-sense treat- 
ment of the w T hole subject. It is 
clear and concise, yet comprehen 
sive, and is absolutely free from 
the entangling technicalities that are so frequently 
found in books of this class. 

Conversation, which is the basis of all true Elocu- 
tion, is regarded as embracing all the germs of 
speech and action. Prominent attention is therefore 
given to the cultivation of this the most common 
form of human expression. 

General principles and practical processes are pre- 
sented for the cultivation of strength, purity, and 
flexibility of Voice, for the improvement of distinct- 
ness and correctness in Articulation, and for the 
development of Soul power in delivery. 

The work includes a systematic treatment of Ges- 
ture in its several departments of position, facial 
expression, and bodily movement, a brief system of 
Gymnastics bearing upon vocal development and 
grace of movement, and also a chapter on Methods 
of Instruction, for teachers. 

Sold by all booksellers, or sent, prepaid, upon re- 
ceipt of price. 

The Penn Publishing Company 

226 S. 11th Street, Philadelphia 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




017 199 377 5 



Do you want to be an Orator 

Do you want to be a Teacher 
of Elocution 

Do you want to be a Public 
Reader 

Do you want to improve your 
conversation 

Do you want training in Physi- 
cal Culture 

Do you want to increase your 
power in any direction 



A CATALOGUE GIVING FULL INFORMA- 
MATION AS TO HOW ANY OF THESE AC. 
COMPLISHMENTS MAY BE ATTAINED 
WILL BE SENT FREE ON REQUEST 



The National School of 
Elocution and Oratory 

Parkway Building Philadelphia 




